I got the plunky sound by weaving a paper napkin through the guitar strings. Highly recommended. This was a blast to record.

I was washing my hands in the boy’s room
When the closed door opened wide
Derek Sludge, the creature from
Ms. Martinez’s class stepped inside
He was known for terrorizing half of the school
Eating first graders for lunch
I wasn’t sure what would happen to me,
But I had a pretty good hunch
He had Kindergartners for appetizers
Third graders for dessert
He had a big appetite – he was a big kid
Well, there was no way out
I was in big, big trouble
He grabbed a hold of my shirt
He said, “Give me all your lunch money now
And maybe you won’t get hurt.”
I was cashing it in, I was saying my prayers
I could hear the voice of doom
When the door opened up
We both turned and looked to see
Who was coming in the room
I was hoping it was the principal
Or maybe the superintendent
But it was only you
Oh no, I thought, now we’re both gonna die today
‘Cause he’s really big, and we’re really not
But you opened up your mouth to say
“Hey there, Derek, ole pal of mine,
Ms. Martinez wants you on the double
You’d better head back to your room right now
If you don’t want to be in trouble.”
Derek left and I was free
I looked at you, I said

CHORUS
You saved my life
Thanks to you now I’m still breathing
You saved my life
Thanks to you my heart’s still beating
You saved my life
I thought that I was really done
You saved my life
You’re my pal, I owe you one

Then there was this time at the swimming pool
We were taking turns doing cannonballs
I’d been bragging about how good I was
I said, “I got the biggest splash of all.”
I said, “Hey everybody, look at me,
I’m gonna get you all soaking wet”
But you know when I jumped in
Something went wrong
I got a feeling I will never forget
I was suddenly free in a way I did not want to be
Somehow my swimsuit came undone,
And started sinking down
I was gasping for air
I was swimming for the surface
I was afraid I was going to drown
I headed up, my suit sank down
Farther and farther from me
And now because of my big mouth
Everybody was waiting to see
Even the lifeguard was trying not to laugh,
I could see her biting her lip
Because public pool filled up with people
Is no place to skinny dip
But before I knew it, you were in the pool
You were diving down right down to the bottom
You grabbed a hold of those missing swimming trunks
You swam up to me and you said, “I got ‘em”
Maybe everybody else was a little disappointed
They didn’t get to holler and hoot
Me I was breathing, very relieved
Nobody saw my birthday suit
I looked at you and said,

CHORUS

I finally got my chance
To help a friend in need
Everybody in class was giving their oral reports
On the books they were supposed to read
Mrs. Smart, she called on you
And I saw you begin to sweat
“Oh, no,” you whispered. “She’s going to kill me.
I haven’t even started reading yet.”
Now t just so happened, I’d been feeling weird
I think it was the lunch I had
Maybe it was the tater tots or maybe the fish sticks
Or maybe the chocolate milk had gone bad
I’d been sitting in class for an hour or so,
Just feeling worse and worse
I was thinking about raising my hand
Telling Mrs. Smart that I really need to go see the nurse
You know, I felt something rumble deep down inside
Like it was looking for someway out
You were about to confess, you were almost finished
When something made me shout,
“Mrs. Smart, I think I’m gonna be sick”
Everybody turned their heads
I left something on the classroom floor that made Mrs. Smart forget
All about your report, everyone else’s too
I’m telling you people were holding their mouths
They were running for the door, 
You know that class was through
You looked at me and said,

CHORUS

© Bill Harley, all rights reserved. Reprints with permission only.