With a nod to the Riders in the Sky and the Sons of the Pioneers. I hope you’ve never been in this much trouble!

Dear Mom, please read this letter
Before you walk inside
I think you’ll feel just a little bit better
If you’re not too surprised
I know when you see what happened
You might sit down and cry (might sit down and cry)
I know that you might start thinking
That someone has to die (someone has to die)

CHORUS
It’s a long way (it’s a long way)
I’m bound to travel (bound to travel)
To where the snow falls and the cold winds blow
(those cold winds blow)
Where the penguins play on the icebergs
To the South Pole (to the South Pole)
I must go (he must go)

I didn’t know about the carpet 
I didn’t know about the sink
I didn’t know that the cat would do that (meow)
I didn’t know the paint was pink (P-I-N-K)
You know I tried to make things better
I thought I could fix it still (he couldn’t fix it)
Next time I won’t use the hammer (not the hammer)
Or the glue gun or the drill (don’t use that drill)

CHORUS

Tell Tommy (tom-tom-tom-tommy)
He can have my lizard (lizard)
Give little Sarah my old teddy bear (with just one eye)
Mom, maybe you could just go ahead
And rent my room out (rent his room)
It just might help pay for all those repairs (all those repairs)
Goodbye Mom, (goodbye Mom)
I’ll always love you (he’ll always love you)
Please don’t cry, (please don’t cry)
Don’t shed no tears (don’t shed no tears)
I’ll be back when things are better (fat chance)
In twenty-seven years (twenty-seven years)

CHORUS

© Bill Harley, all rights reserved. Reprints with permission only.